Sunday, January 11, 2009

Not Yet!

Maturity.  It is something I thought I might get closer to as the days wore on.  Like it was a given, and with each passing day I might gain more of it.  I am learning (sometimes painfully), that maturity is ever eluding me.    There are a couple things that are an example of "maturity" that I am not only lacking, but that are getting harder for me.  

 1)Nervousness....I had hoped that when I was grown up I would finally not only "know" that being nervous doesn't serve me, but I would actually overcome this affliction.  However, after today's showing [playing my violin in Sacrament meeting], nervousness has progressed, and I am fully aware that I am a 5 year old.  Seriously, shouldn't I be able to stand up in front of my friends, and play a piece without shaking all over the place.  Totally lame.

 2)Comparing ...  again, something I "know" I should be different about.  I "know" I shouldn't compare myself to others, but I am still not quite mature enough to put that into action.  I see my fabulous friends and family accomplishing goals, being great parents, having great hair [you know, only the important stuff], and all that jazz...and I am still a sucker for feeling like I am a failure somehow....  I then talk myself out of my antics, and realize again maturity is so elusive.

3) Worrying...I know worrying about something doesn't make it better, it doesn't solve anything, and it just causes stress.  So, armed with that fabulous knowledge, wouldn't I be amazing and not worry about family, friends, my children, how my children will turn out, if the world is going to implode/explode, if the world is too wicked, when I might lose my parents, managing our money, and if I my big zit will ever go away?

The list is getting long, but you might be getting my point. I hoped, that as I started this wrinkling process that maturity would just come along with it.  Now, it looks like I am actually going to have to do some serious work to put the "Mature" title in my back pocket.  Or, maybe the solution is to only to do things I feel comfortable with, only be friends with average people (and of course, disown the family that outdoes me), and put on those rose colored glasses everyone keeps talking about.  I'll look at Target tomorrow.

4 comments:

Bj said...

Let me assure all of you out there in blogland, that Sarah has nothing to be nervous about when playing her violin. She played a very stirring rendition of "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief". There were several wet eyes in the chapel and the spirit was very strong. Despite her claims of immaturity, Sarah is mature and wise well beyond her years. Now if she could just do something about that goofy husband of hers.

Mandy said...

Sarah, I'm sure that we all feel this way sometimes...at least I do. We all have those moments when we think..."I'm supposed to be over this!" but you know what, you are a great mom and a beautiful person and I know I'm not the only one that thinks so!

kimhumpherys said...

sarah, sarah! don't you know we're all 5 yrs old still? seriously, i think all the time, "did my parents feel this way because they seemed so sure of everything and in control!" Hello, yes they did! I could add anxiety to your list! That keeps me from accomplishing my goals! but yes, i suffer along with you and the rest of womankind!

Wade family said...

Sarah, you have the MOST beautiful hair, if only I could have hair like yours, or actually wanted to take the time to do my hair :P